A sad husbandIn this piece, we will be looking at the flip side of my earlier article titled 16 COSTLY MISTAKE MARRIED WOMEN MAKE. Like I wrote earlier, the purpose of these write-ups is to help our marriages become better. Many marriages are in crisis today because many married people have deviated from what God intended marriage to be. What you see today are marriages as men want it and not marriages as God intended it.

There are many costly mistakes married men make and these are some of them;

  1. As the spiritual head of the home, when was the last time you led your family (wife and children) in prayers? Yes, your wife also can lead prayers also but are you doing enough spiritually for your marriage and family?
  2. Comparing your wife with your ex, especially for those that did many ‘permutation’ and ‘combination’ with many ladies whilst single is a sign that you have not left your past.
  3. Condemning your wife’s meal, soup, stew as you compare it to that of your ex-gilrfriend, ex-wife or your mother.
  4. The private things that happen in your marriage that you tell your family members will ultimately create a negative impression and perception of her. Ultimately, you will also reap what you sow as her husband.
  5. Not acknowledging or paying for your wife’s hair and personal make up and appearance. You don’t like her appearance yet you are not paying for her to look good.
  6. Mr Husband, your mouth odour, your body odour, your dirty boxers and socks are serious put-off to your spouse. Take a little time to wash, to tidy up yourself. She probably may have even told you but you get offended. Mr, there are truth nobody will tell you except your wife!
  7. Husband, your 2 minute ejaculation is serious punishment for your wife. If she has told you, please change. If she has not complained, she is merely enduring. A sexually and emotionally dissatisfied wife is an unhappy wife!
  8. Sex in marriage ought not to be boring. But yours is boring because you want it only at your own time and not at a more conducive time to both parties.
  9. Your wife is not a slave. You need to assist with house chores. And if you think you are too big for the chores get technological tools that can help and a house-help to support. A distressed wife is a stressed wife!
  10. It is selfishness to keep your educated and skilled wife idle at home. It does not matter how much you earn, how much you pay or give her, she also has a dream to fulfil in life. There is greater joy in marriage when both husband and wife are fulfilled! Support her dream!!
  11. Getting intimidated by your wife’s achievement, career and business successes is a reflection of your insecurity and low self-esteem. Your wife’s achievement should be a thing of pride to you also and not of intimidation!
  12. It just does no make sense to be suspecting your wife. How can you become a detective in your home and expect to have joy and fulfilment?
  13. Yes, the Bible instruct that wives should submit to their husbands but you have turned submission to subjugation. You have become a terror to your wife!
  14. Beating up your wife no matter what she did wrong is not a prove of your seniority, masculinity, or manhood, instead it is a show of your immaturity and irresponsibility.
  15. There is no time that you are ever home with your wife and children even on public holidays. When your business or job ends, will you still have a wife and children to be proud of. Your wife and children need you more than money and toys that you buy for them!
  16. Engaging in extra-marital affair that can never ever give you joy and fulfilment. Extra-marital affair is an unprofitable venture. You loose spiritually, you loose physically, you loose financially. By the time you loose your wife and children, you are the biggest looser of all!
  17. How can you be attracted to your wife’s maid, sisters or her friends? What is attracting you in them that your wife doesn’t have? Have you discussed those things with your wife in a loving way?
  18. Irrespective of your religion, polygamy is not the solution to your insatiable sexual appetite. It will ultimately cost you more for less satisfaction and joy
  19. How have you secured your wife and children against the predators of your properties, assets and estates? Do you have a will?
  20. Taking your wife through the pain and rigour of divorce because you have found a ‘sweet sixteen’ is not the way to go. Most men who change women like diapers end up miserable also as they become serial divorcees.

Friends, it is high time we tell ourselves the naked truth. If you want to enjoy being married, be responsible. There is alot of responsibility that God placed on men. Let us see what God expect of husbands in the Bible;

“…..Love your wife, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it’’ Ephesians 5 Vs 25

If you appreciate how much Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, you will know the magnitude of responsibility on you as a husband and father. An irresponsible husband is likely to be an irresponsible father and you know Christ is not like you!

“…..love your wife as your own body. He who loves his wife loves himself” Ephesians 5 Vs 28

It is in your own interest to love your wife. If you love her you love yourself

‘’…….dwell with them with understanding, giving honour to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered” 1 Peter 3 Vs 7

Simply put, you hinder yourself by the way you treat your wife!

If it is true that man was created in the image and likeness of God, guys, it is time we wake up to the expectation of our maker. I doff my cap to husbands who are responsible and doing quite alot to make their marriages work. God will bless you the more and encourage you. Your labour will not be invain. Amen!

Still yours on this Platform


Adegboyega ILORI

Adegboyega is a relationship counsellor, a prolific writer, author and mentor. You can follow him on twitter @gboyegailori, facebook @ Adegboyega A ilori or write him via mail adegboyega.ilori@gmail.com