sad guyGUY: “Dear counselor, please help, my wedding to the lady I love is approaching but another lady mistakenly is pregnant for me. She is also insisting on marriage. Please what do I do?”

COUNSELOR: ‘’Is your fiancee aware of this development?’’

GUY: ‘’Ah, she dare not know. She is not aware sir’’

COUNSELOR: ‘’Insist on the pregnant lady to have the baby and both of you go your separate ways’’

GUY: “I have tried to convince her many times but she is still insisting on me marrying her even after she put to bed”

COUNSELOR: “Your fiancee will need to know and don’t keep that secret till after wedding because it will backfire on you if you do. Get a group of counselors and elders around you to mediate in the impasse between you and your fling and get to resolve this issue amicably.”

Friends, that was a discussion recently with a guy who desperately wants to keep the lady he loves but unfortunately the lady he lusted for is pregnant. What do you do when you fall into a trap like this? Why do you keep your virgin fiancee and use other ladies for sexual pleasure? As a single guy if you can meditate on questions like these you will escape the temptation of fallen into a trap like this. Pregnancy is a thing of blessing but it can also be a big trap to;

  1. Those who can’t stay faithful to their partners. Those who can’t keep their boxers on for a while fall prey to traps like this.
  2. Force you to marry someone you really don’t want to marry- Some ladies who are desperate for marriage can deliberately give in to your sexual request to put you in dilemma as above. Unfortunately quite a number of people are trapped in marriages where they are miserable because pregnancy was the reason for the marriage and not necessarily love or conviction to run the longest relationship race together in Holy matrimony.
  3. As a blackmail- If you are a prominent personality in the society or community, a blackmailer can use your sexual escapades to blackmail you. Infact why do we even call it blackmail? You did it and there is no point calling it blackmail because you actually did.
  4. As a bargaining tool- A lady that knows you want to keep your dignity as a prominent man can use pregnancy as a bargaining ‘tool’. Most times bargaining is the outcome of blackmail.


Well, abortion is  both an offense and a sin. The Nigerian law  (and that of many other countries) frowns at it in circumstances as this. Medical experts who uphold the tenets of their profession also won’t encourage abortion in circumstance like this. And ultimately, God Almighty forbids abortion. He forbids sex outside of marriage and also abortion. Although the word “Abortion” does not exist in the Bible but we know God said; “Thou shall not kill”. Abortion is terminating the life of a living being before full term and that is killing! If you commit abortion, you not only kill that child but you kill generations that ought to come from that child!!


A great teacher of the word once said; ‘’There are no bastard children there are only illegitimate parents’’ Pastor Tunde Bakare. Your illegitimacy in intimacy to the one you are not married to does not in anyway make the innocent child from that illegitimate tango a bastard. According to the Bible, a bastard is not one born outside of wedlock but one who lacks discipline!


I am not sure you considered the one you love when you were chasing the one that put you into this mess. If you truly love her, you should have at least keep yourself.


The best time to tell your fiancee about this secret is NOW. It is better to say it before wedding than to say it after wedding. Your credibility and trustworthiness will be on the line if you say it after wedding. How to say it? Get your pastor or religious leaders, or elders or counselors or a trusted friend to accompany you or be sitted at the meeting. And you need to find a better and relaxed time to tell her with remorse, not with pride or ‘’I don’t care attitude’’. You know the way a child looks when caught stealing, that should be the expression on your face otherwise you may aggravate the consequences that may follow. By the way, how would you have felt if the lady you are set to marry informs you she is pregnant for someone mistakenly? If you reflect on this question, you will know the gravity of your sin!


Expect anything. You have to face the consequences of your misdemeanor. But don’t be afraid. Love covers multitudes of sin while  it is only mercy that can exonerate one from the consequences of sin!

Guys, lets understand that there are repercussion or consequences for every action we take in life. If we start by considering the consequences of our actions, we will be restrained from taking steps that will put us into trouble. If your libido is your greatest weakness, you got to hold it and pray on it seriously. I know the Bible says if any part of you will cause you to sin, cut it off but please don’t cut your organ off. Pray about your weakness and let God help you. See how great men in the Bible fell because they could not keep their zip on. See great men alive today who also fell for the same reasons. See those who have passed to the great beyond because they fell into the sex-trap. Interestingly the Bible is also awash with stories of men and women who stood in the face of temptation. A real man is one who can control his libido and not one whose libido controls him! The question is, does your libido control you or you control it?

Still Yours on this Platform


Adegboyega ILORI