lonely husband-3One of the issues confronting the marriage institution today is the challenge of loneliness in marriages. Isn’t that amazing? Most single people bask in the euphoria of ‘’when I just marry, this my present loneliness will be over’’. My dear that is not the case for everybody in marriage. Infact some honest married people will say they were better off whilst single than they are now that  they are married. Why? Those who are single at least have hope that some day their present loneliness predicament or feeling will be over. When you are married and lonely, often you may not be able to tell how long that experience will last.

What exactly do I mean when I say lonely husbands, lonely wives? Lonely spouses or partners are people who are missing their partners or the love of another person either as a result of their partner’s absence or other reasons which will be stated shortly.

Wikipedia defines loneliness as ‘’Sadness because one has no friend or company’’. Yes, not having friend or company could be the natural cause of loneliness, unfortunately that is NOT the only cause or reason for loneliness in relationship. Loneliness is a state or feeling of the absence of a loved one. Interestingly, it is possible to be alone and not be lonely. In that sense, loneliness is a state of mind and not necessarily the absence or a love, or a loved one!

Couples, fiance and fiancees, do you know what you do to yourselves when you keep malice with your partner, when you keep to yourself after a quarrel or misunderstanding in relationship? You cause your partner to grief even when both of you live in the same house or in courtship.


The following are the causes of loneliness in marriage and relationship;

  1. Physical absence of partner
  2. Emotional gap due to partners absence or soul-tie to someone that no longer exist
  3. Emotional gap due to partners nonchalant attitude, absence of care and love
  4. Running a project alone without partner’s care or concern or knowing
  5. Prolonged malice
  6. Prolonged conflict
  7. Prolonged illness
  8. Feeling of insecurity and inadequacy even with partners presence or absence
  9. Infidelity by one of the partners or both partners
  10. Feeling of lack of emotional satisfaction or compatibility

If you will be honest with yourself, at least one of the 10  causes above is responsible for your loneliness. Truth be told, God did not create us to be lonely. He created us to love and co-habit in love. He created us to depend on Him while loving others around us.


 There are many things you can do to overcome loneliness, some of which are;

  1. Understand why you are lonely and be courageous and determined to overcome it.
  2. Resolve all the issues you have with your partner and move on with your relationship. If the issues cannot be resolved be bold to call it quit if you are single. If you are married, divorce is not encouraged in Christianity but you can seek help from God, Godly counselors and indeed from the Bible and be guided accordingly.
  3. If the relationship is boring, add some spice to it. Discuss this with your spouse and let the initial excitement both of you share come alive again.
  4. Discuss that one thing you are missing in your partner that is making you feel lonely. Let him or her know.
  5. If the trust bridge has been broken, both of you got to mend it and move forward.
  6. Pray for the return of your spouse if work or business is putting both of you asunder.
  7. Pray for the quick recovery of your partner if he or she has been on prolonged illness. I pray Jesus comes through for you and heal your spouse.
  8. If your partner has been on a business trip or career transfer, agree on what will work and both of you should be committed to the agreement. It is not fair to keep your partner cold and lonely.
  9. If someone you so love broke your heart, ask God to help you mend your heart back. Forgive the person and move on. The person who left you left because his or her role in your life has ended. Some people’s exit in our lives are indeed good riddance to bad rubbish. Don’t waste time mourning a relationship God saved you from.
  10. If your partner is late, allow the grief of your partner’s demise to heal, then move on. Someone else can feel the shoes he or she has left no matter how big the gap is.


There are many dangers that loneliness can expose anybody to. If care is not taking loneliness can cause or aggravate;

  1. Cheating in relationship
  2. Break in relationship
  3. Depression
  4. Temptation to sin and do sinful things
  5. Suicide

The earlier you move to overcome loneliness, the earlier you overcome any or all of the above 5 dangers. If your relationship is important to you and you truly love and care about your partner then you will take all necessary precaution before the line is crossed.


 This is a typical question a single lady or guy would ask, especially those who are very ripe for marriage. What you can do is to engage yourself positively and productively whilst awaiting or searching for that unique person that God has for you.

  1. Keep your prayer altar aglow
  2. Socialise without doing sinful things
  3. Read, watch movies, listen to good music, travel to interesting places for sight seeing etc
  4. Deliberately come out of your shelve
  5. Make up your mind to enjoy yourself. You enjoy yourself first by loving yourself and doing what you love and what gives you fulfillment. Engage in sporting activities as much as you can.
  6. Get a course, learn a trade, keep doing something positive, productive and engaging. Allow no dull moment.

Ladies and gentlemen, don’t stay idle, don’t stay lonely, engage your mind in something positive, productive and be mindful of where you are going. It is important to have a life goal. When life seem not to be moving as expected in an area , don’t allow that area put a hold on the rest of the other areas in your life.

Still Yours on this Platform


Adegboyega ILORI

You can follow Adegboyega on twitter @gboyegailori or facebook Adegboyega A Ilori or do me a mail at adegboyega.ilori@gmail.com