divorced couple imageIn times past I have had the onerous task of encouraging people after their relationships went sour. One dreadful part of relationship is when either of the parties decide to say goodbye. It is more painful when the goodbye is without notice or without concrete explanation. It is usually tough and very challenging a time for most people especially ladies and this is understandable because 98 % of ladies are 99% emotional.

The thoughts of the good times you shared, the times spent having fun, time spent taking a walk, the time spent going everywhere together, the amount of money and emotion invested in the relationship. The worst part is that you have sown uniform dresses and have appeared at parties like ‘’couples’’ a number of times, people have known the two of you together, the two of you have lived like brother and sister, lovers, husband and wife in the making. Parents, families, neighbours know you guys together. Some of you even operate joint bank accounts, partner in business, jointly purchase asset etc. Many of the times you guys have even shared a part of you you are not supposed to share in the sight of God. Yea, thats the most painful part for any lady who has a living conscience!

Friends, it does not matter how long you have been in a relationship, it does not matter how much you love the person, the relationship will either climax into marriage or crash! Most of the times, we don’t anticipate that things can go awry and we throw caution to the wind. Imagine for a second, operating a joint account with someone you are not legally married to? Imagine, cohabiting and engaging in illegal sexual intercourse with someone you are not married to all in the name of ‘’love’’. The intimte things you have shared when the going was good are the things that make goodbye very hurtful.


There are many things to do after a sad break in a relationship, some of which are;

  1. Thank God- If you are a christian and a child of God, just give thanks and praise to God for the break in the relationship. Why? There are people that must leave you before God can bless you. Their presence in your life is an hindrance to where God is taking you and God just had to allow some things to happen so that you can get to the promised land. Also, it may not be that the person is a bad person but their part in the script written by God for your life has ended!
  2. Do an honest appraisal- If you can do a sincere appraisal of your relationship with your ex, the better it will prevent you from repeating same.
  3. Avoid talking about the relationship if it gives you pain talking about it.
  4. Avoid having to do a recap of all that happened every now and then, especially where it hurts!
  5. Read your Bible, pray and praise God. Pray that God help your heart to heal. If you can sing this song, go ahead;

‘’………if your heart is broken, just lift your hand and say; I know that I will make it, I know that I will stand, no matter what may come my way, my life is in your hand……’’

  1. Relocate out of the environment where you can be seeing the person, if you can.
  2. Change your job if that will help you to heal but don’t resign to go and sit at home. That will worsen your situation!
  3. Avoid being alone. The devil attacks more viciously when you are alone.
  4. Share your pain with a man or woman of God or counsellor and not miserable comforters like the 3 friends of Job in the Bible.
  5. Avoid anger, hatred, bitterness and regret. Negative emotions are fruits of the devil. You don’t need any of them. Be purposely happy. Go to church, join a new fellowship or new circle of friends and be happy.
  6. Engage your mind, the more in your job, career, business and or ministry.
  7. Do not start another love relationship so soon to spite your ex. You will injure yourself the more.
  8. Please do not beg to keep the relationship, otherwise, you imprison yourself for the rest of your life!
  9. Do not consider vengeance on the next innocent person that comes your way. That is an unGodly way to get succour from your past pain!

Friends, there is life after relationship crash. No wonder aeroplanes all over the world still fly despite that a plane just crashed! Ironically, nobody can break your heart in any relationship without your  permission. A break in relationship should not necessarily result into a break in heart. Why? A broken relationship is a blessing in disguise. God has a way of saving one today from future heartaches many times but because we cannot see what God can see, we feel jilted and disappointed. We actually ought to rejoice over what we mourn if only we know what lies ahead! And according to a common saying; a broken courtship is far better than a broken marriage.

If someone says; ‘’Get out of my life’’ in a relationship, it is not ‘’get out of life’’. Many times people don’t value what they have until they loose it. There is yet still going to be another person that will care for you, nourish and cherish you! If anybody decides to break your relationship, it is their loss, not yours!

Guys, that things did not work out relationship-wise now does not mean you cannot be of relevance to each other in the future. God brings different people our way for different reasons now and in the future beyond our wildest imagination. This is why you need not get embittered and curse your ex. Your path can cross again and you never can tell who will be in need and who will be of help later in the future!

Above all, there is one person I know who loves you regardless of who hurts you and that person is Jesus, accept Him into your life today and your life will never be the same again. If you are yet to accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour, please say this prayers now;

‘’Father, I admit that I am a sinner. I have come to you today, forgive me of my sins. I also accept you as my personal Lord and Saviour. Thank you for forgiving me of my sins. In Jesus Name. Amen! If you said this prayer from your heart, you just became a brand new person as the Bible says;

‘’Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold all things have become new’’ 2 Corinthians 5 Vs 17

Get a Bible believing church and start to fellowship with God’s people. And I will also be glad to receive personally from you. Shalom!

If you are already Born again, be encouraged by the truth that ‘’…..all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose’’ Romans 8 Vs 28 (NKJV).

Be encouraged also that God said; ‘’For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope’’ Jeremiah 29 Vs 11 (NKJV)

If you had been married before and somehow your marriage crashed irredeemably, I sympathise and indeed empathise with you. Hmmmm it is well. Marriage is not meant to be a hellish experience but things happen along the line when love gets sour. I pray Jesus give meaning to your life as He did to the Samarian woman by the well in John Chapter 4 Vs 7-29. I pray Jesus turn your life around as He did to the woman of Samaria. Amen!

Friends, the person who hurts you today can become your well wisher. And the person you parted with at one time or the other in life can be of great help in the future. Sometimes circumstances beyond the control of both parties can be responsible for the break in the relationship. Whatever is the case, just know that God knows the best for you at any point in time. Your joy shall be full and God will redeem the time you seem to have lost with your ex! Halleluyah

Adegboyega ILORI is a relationship and life coach. He has authored many Christian books which are available in leading Bookshops.

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