Singles and SexSincerely, I understand the pressure for sex that singles go through. There are many forces yelling and yearning for sex that come against singles;

  1.  Your hormone get hungry for sex because of the physiological changes your body go through from time to time. Its much even stronger when you are in your ovulation season. For those who don’t know, ovulation is when females produce eggs that are ready for fertilisation by the male spermatozoa and ovulation usually takes place between 7-12 days after the menstrual cycle if your monthly period is regular.
  2.  It is tough when you are ‘due’ for marriage but yet single. It is a different experience for those who have chosen to be eunuchs (celibate) for the rest of their lives. At least you would have counted the cost before deciding so. But not so for those who for no choice of theirs are waiting for when God will bring their partner their way and they can walk the aile with their God-given partner and subsequently get sexual satisfaction from their spouses.
  3. It is tough when sex is the price you have to pay to sustain your sex-demanding fellow single partner. When your partner (or both of you don’t) does not even blush because you lack values and bereft of Christian virtues, anything goes.
  4. It is tough when sex is the price you have to pay for promotion at your work place. If you happen to work in a perverse work environment where sex is part of the KPI (Key performance Index) considered for promotion, you got to be able to hold your head when others have lost theirs. I pray God set you free from bondage of such employers or bosses.

Also, if the following are your habit you will have a formidable pressure for sex to contend with;

A. Habit of watching porn– If you are in the habit of watching blue films (or porn films) you are sowing a very evil seed in your heart and in a short time the seeds you sow will germinate into hormonal charge for sex. What you watch will create an indelible picture in your heart and in no time you want to begin to practise what your eyes have captured. There is nothing bad with the internet or television, it is what we watch or do with them that matter.

B. Habit of dressing seductively- Your dress is a reflection of your person. Many female singles wear clothes that present them as sex objects in the name of fashion. You wear clothes that reveal your privates and you wonder why ‘’flies’’ follow you. One day a young lady told me; ‘’I can barely walk any where without all kinds of guys throwing passes at me for affairs’’. Well, I knew her well and I told her to change her clothes that often pop up her cleavages and see if that experience will continue. Ofcourse they stopped following her. The more attractive you present yourself, the more you are under the pressure of people demanding sex from you.

C. Habit of Touching each other– If you are in the habit of touching each other seductively, then you will have temptation for sex to contend with. Touching is the preliminaries to the main the main event (sex). Once you participate in preliminaries, it may not be easy to say no to the ‘main event’.

D. Habit of staying together for too long in a lonely place– Its good to spend time together with your fiancee or fiance but spend time together for the right reasons and not for the wrongest of reasons.

Haven highlighted some of the sources of pressure for sex that singles encounter, my focus in this piece is for those that fall in category 1-3 above. How do you say no when your hormones are demanding for sex and your Pastor kept drumming it in your ears that it is fornication, as the Bible calls it? Does your Pastor know what you are going through? Not sure if God also knows?

Friends, God knows what you are going through and that is why Apostle Paul says;

“But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them to remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion’’

1 Corinthians 7 Vs 8-9

Ok, from above scripture, marriage seem to be the solution to burning with passion right? But how do you hold yourself before you marry is what is our subject. So, how do you say no?


Let us look at practical things you can do that can help you to say no when your hormones say go;

  1. Feed Your mind– The greatest battle man face in life begins from the mind. Our minds influence and inflame our thought and thought pattern. Subsequently thought becomes action and action become habits. The mind is 100% gabbage in gabbage out!

There two types of mind that operates in every human being;

1. The Carnal Mind– If you are yet to be regenerated, that is, you are yet to believe in the Lordship of Jesus, your mind will be carnal.

This is mind that is set on the things of the flesh. When you live according to the dictates of your flesh and hormones you have a carnal mind. And a carnal mind leads to only one place, DEATH- Romans 8 Vs

2. The Spiritual Mind– This is the mind available to those who live on the things of the Spirit. What are the things of the Spirit? Having a functional relationship with God will give one an insight into what God wants and how by His help we can fulfil God’s plans. God’s plans are written in His Word in the Bible. An understanding of what God wants and what Christ lived and died for will help fine tune ones spirit to focus on the things of the spirit. If you focus on the things of the Spirit you will have a spiritual mind and ultimately have life and peace- Romans 8 Vs 6-7

The Spiritual mind serve the law of God while the Carnal mind serve the law of sin- Romans 7 Vs 25

All kinds of conflict will be going round and round your mind if you have not given your life to Jesus and you have not matured through the Help of the Holy Spirit. So, you need to surrender your life to Jesus by accepting Jesus as your personal Lord and Saviour and then form the habit of feeding your mind with the Word of God as regularly as possible.

  1. Feed Your spirit– After you have given your life to Jesus by accepting Him as your Lord and Savior, you need to feed your spirit regularly with the Word of God and by constant fellowship. Oh dear, you got to stop this your Sunday Sunday reading of the Bible. You got to form the habit of reading your Bible as regularly as possible. Man (and woman) dies first spiritually before physical death. Physical death is when your heart stops pumping blood, spiritual death is when your spirit is no longer in sync over time with the Holy Spirit! While physical death can be sudden or gradual. Spiritual death is usually gradual!

‘’For when we were in the flesh, the sinful passions which were aroused by the law were at work in our members to bear fruit to death. But now we have been delivered from the law, having died to what we were held by, so that we should serve in the newness of the Spirit and not in the oldness of the letter’’ Romans 7 Vs 5-6

‘’And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit’’ Galatians 5 Vs 24-25

Everytime you are online and you go and read gossips and all kinds of websites or blogs that pollute your mind and spirit, you are not helping your Spiritual growth. That is why you think sex and indulge in sex even when some of you don’t want to!

  1. Avoid staying too long together in a lonely place and at odd times- Yes you are in courtship. Yes your family know the two of you together. Yes everybody know the two of you together but the truth is that both of you are not yet couple. So, you cannot indulge in what God approved for couples. The more you avoid staying together in a lonely place and at odd times, the more you are able to avoid fornication!
  2. Dress well– My dear, dress like a Christian that you profess to be. These your revealing tops often send a wrong message about your person and your intention. Stop visiting your fiance and wearing clothes that are seductive. Men (without self-control) are moved by what they see!
  3. Keep your courtship short– It is common practise that some people in marriage intended relationship go through long courtship. This long courtship sometimes is self-imposed because you want to have a talk of the town wedding, you keep your courtship long while working out the wedding finance. It is not advisable that your courtship exceed 6 months for people who just knew each other and 3 months for those who have known each other over a considerable long time. The longer your courtship, the stronger the temptation for sex!
  4. Deliberately Keep yourself Busy– The busier you are the less you think of sex. When better positive things occupy your mind, you have less time to consider the dictations of your hormones.

Friends, happy are you if you take to these golden advise in the above write-up. God did not forbid sex for mankind. It is who we do it with and when, that we should watch!


Adegboyega ILORI

Adegboyega is a relationship and life coach. He is the author of many Christian Books. His books are available at Laterna Ventures 13A Oko Awo Street V/I, CRM Bookshop, KM 46 Lagos/Ibadan Expressway, RCCG Camp, LRA Bookshop, Plot 4 Akilo Road, Ogba, Lagos, CSS Bookshop, 50 Broad Street, Lagos Island and other leading Bookshops.

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